Step 36: Diet

I am a woman; therefore, I have a complicated relationship with food. Most mornings when I wake up, I swear off food. Daydreams of starving myself- refusing food, filling up on water, etc.- cloud my head. These fantasies of a skinnier self are quickly blotted out by a binge meal around four in the afternoon where I eat until I want to explode. After the binge meal, my self-image can go in two directions: 1. Good- I feel good about myself for choosing to eat because healthy people eat and that's what I am. Screw Hollywood and their stupid images. 2. Bad- I feel bad about myself because I really do want to look like Karen Carpenter, but it's just so hard to starve to death!

My days of starving myself only to gorge later are over. I have discovered a new diet that keeps the back pockets of your jeans empty and your wallet full:

That's right, Otter Pops. A freezer full of these little guys is like having your very own snow cone factory. They are delicious, timeless, and have practically no nutritional value- good or bad. I can eat Otter Pops all day long, as many of them as I want and never actually consume anything more than flavored ice. And the best part is that while eating Otter Pops continuously, you won't want anything else! They are that dang good.

So throw your scales out the window, your pills down the drain, and your pants with elastic-band waist lines in the garbage. It's Otter Pop time!