Step 52: Don't forget to let your subconscious do the driving sometimes

We all have those moments when genius strikes at unlikely moments.  And let's face it, those thoughts seem that much better and that much more valuable.  Sneaking thoughts carry more value.  No discussion.  But sometimes, I struggle to let my thoughts sneak anywhere.  I close off the recesses of my mind and keep it all in the forefront where I can properly experience anxiety over unfinished projects and love lost and undone dishes and fights with my mom.  I like to keep things in focus, but in order to do that, I have to let them go out of focus first, drift away into the dark, and then re-adjust the focus later.  It's just how good, focused thought works.



Example:

Tonight in class, I realized I had one week to compose a piece I had thought would be on the Salt Lake City graveyard.  I really haven't found anything groundbreaking to write about in the graveyard just yet, so I was feeling uneasy.  In other circumstances I would be more apt to turn in shit, but everyone in the class will read the piece and workshop it, so I feel like the stakes are higher.  Anyhow, all class long I kept thinking if I could switch my topic to something else, but nothing else was really coming across as a better option.  I felt locked into the graveyard piece that was still very ill-formed and fetal looking in my mind.  Ugh.

I'm anxious so I eat.  I got PF Chang's take-out.  Spicy almond and cashew chicken with brown rice.  So bad for me, but anxiety clouds even the best intentioned diet plan.

Come home.  Eat.

My roommate and I discuss what to get my friend for her birthday tomorrow.  I suggest we look through my old books to see if she may like one.  I bring the stack to the living room.  Instead of thinking about the birthday, I remember why I loved all of those books.  On a full stomach, I perused the used pages and memories within them.

We cannot decide what to get our friend.  Indecision.

It's late.  I should sleep, but I can't.  I begin googling things.  I check the Broken Social Scene page to see when their next concert is on the off chance that it may be at all near me at some point in the summer.  One tour date:  Ontario, June 8th.  I will be in Europe then.  I notice on the page a 2007 Kevin Drew album I had never heard.  WHAT THE HELL LIZ? HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?  I want to download it but do not have a current credit card linked to my iTunes account.  Back to the living room for my wallet.

I grab my wallet, and then stand to look at the pile of books on the coffee table from before.  I debate if I should bring them back to my room now or just leave them like the douchy roommate I am.  I sit down and pick up The Future Dictionary of America.  I read through several entries.  Something biological happens in my brain and I am suddenly seeing a dictionary of Salt Lake and I am reading an entry for gentile.  I think, what could even go in the Z section though.  Duh, Zion.  It dawns on me.  I will write a dictionary of Salt Lake for my SLC piece that is due next week.

I leave the stack of books on the coffee table minus the dictionary.  That comes back to my room.  I lay in bed and listen to more of the Kevin Drew album.  Eating all that PF Changs was not worth it.

Step 51: How to Eat Fake Italian Food

I was dragged to Macaroni Grill today by my friend Derek. I did NOT want to go. Derek and I both worked at the Mac Grill several years ago and are all to aware of their cooking methods to be eating there. I use the term "cooking methods" very loosely here. No one actually "cooks" in a classical sense at Mac Grill; it is more of a glorified microwaving service. The food is all frozen, packaged, and delivered to each store to be reheated and served. Boiling the pasta is the closest thing they do to cooking and even that is done sometimes days before serving. Needless to say, we knew what we were getting into.

 However, I was unprepared for the lies (that's right. you heard me. LIES.) that were so ridiculously printed across the menu.

This menu that has been updated since my days as a proud Macaroni Grill hostess advertises "Had Crafted Pasta" and in the bottom center "Fresh Pasta."  The pasta was mushy and nothing about it was hand crafted.  Those noodles had nothing on Barilla.  Maybe I've been watching too much Kitchen Nightmares, but I feel this is a flawed system, Mr. Ramano!  What would Chef Ramsay say?!

Step 50: Sick Days = Daft Punk Days

I have been sick. (Please pause here and feel bad for me.) I pretty much just laid in bed all day and Googled things and watched music videos while I drifted in and out of consciousness.

I watched all of Daft Punk's movie Interstella 5555 on Youtube. Then, since I love to repeat things, I watched my DVD of it. Best. Cartoon. Ever.

Step 49: Become A Big Shot Movie Producer

...who produces Haiku movies.

I'm back in school and learning all kinds of meaningless things. In my electronic writing class, we are learning how to use final cut pro. I made my first movie in just a shade under an hour. We had to write Haikus and then find images on Google to accompany the poems. Then I photoshopped my pictures a bit (aka I clicked random things in Photoshop-- because I don't know what any of it means-- until something I liked happened). It's all very high tech. Only master's of English like me can do this sort of thing.

So Hollywood, can you please give me my mil now so I can quit school and start watching Netflix full time?

Here's the masterpiece:

Step 48: Get Religion

I found God today between the layers of veggies and folds of cheese on a Jimmy John's sandwich. Each bite tasted like a spiritual awakening.

Step 47: The Art of Boredom

Summer vacation is a great thing in a teacher's life, but also a very complicated thing. I went from working anywhere from 60-80 hours a week (I had two jobs, P.F. Chang's and teaching) to working 20-30 hours a week. This week, I have Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off from work! That's a lot of time on a girl's hands whose life has solely consisted of work for the past year. But, with a little planning, those days fly by. In order to fill worthless days of nothing, follow these easy steps:

1. Sleep late. Even though your body wants to get up at 7:30 or 8 am, don't let it. The longer you can force your body to linger in bed, the less hours you have to find things to do during the day.

2. Take your time getting ready. There's no rush when time doesn't exist for you. Try everything in your closet on until you look perfect. Listen to music while getting ready. Put on a full face of make-up. Kill as much time as possible in this stage.

3. Think of all of the potential things you could do during the day. And then make sure you space them out. You don't want to do it all at once in the morning. No, no, no. Get your eyebrows waxed in the morning. Take a break. Go to the book store. Take a break. Eat lunch. Take a break. Space out your errands to maximize time wasting.

4. Only drive scenic routes. Drive the back roads that take an extra few minutes to get wherever you are going. You may even see something new. You can learn and waste time!

5. Call everyone you know. Talking on the phone is a great waste of time. And if you call everyone you know, someone is bound to answer.

6. Watch all the movies that your boyfriends never wanted to watch with you. You know, all the Jane Austen's and episodes of Glee that you can never con anyone into seeing with you.

7. Read. Reading should be thrown in throughout the day. In step three's "breaks," reading is an excellent option. It fills time and makes you smart.

8. Wander the mall. Who knows, maybe you need something.

9. Eat your favorites. Drive to the next town over to get your favorite take-out or make a special trip to the grocery store to cook something delicious. Dinner can take six hours if you want. The longer the better.

10. Clean your house. This is the hardest part in the art of being bored. But if your house is messy like mine, and you are bored everyday like me, and never clean your house even though you are bored like me, then you will just feel bad about yourself. You have to turn off Netflix, and do the laundry and dishes. It will feel better in the long run.

Step 46: You Can't Have It All

Even though we always want it, we can't have it all; it's just not possible. And as soon as you think you're close, you'll end up with nothing. However, in these situations, nothing can be the best thing for you. Sometimes you need the universe to spit in your face, tell you that you cannot have your cake and eat it too, and then wipe your slate clean in order to really see how unfair it was to try to have more than your share of anything. But good things do still happen and will happen again to you, but maybe slowly at first. And the best part of the whole process is that we get know ourselves more completely.

Hello, New Day.