Step 31: Repeat Things

Repeat actions and phrases and anything else that can be. Such as:

Say, "You're stupid." over and over.
Read the same books.
Count. Anything. Everything. All the time. (There's meaningful senselessness in numbers.)
Watch the same episodes of television shows.
Say the same jokes.
Eat the same foods.
Use the same pens. Always.
Recycle.
Wear the same outfit three days in a row.

Step 30: Be Extreme

Say things like:

I'd rather put nails in my eyes.
I'll die first.
There's a bajillion people in here.
The temperature outside is negative fifty million.
I'll only ever love a Jew.
This whole state smells.
Christmas is for lunatics.
My life is over after that christmas card.
I don't own any good movies (books, clothes, etc.).
I'll never eat leftovers or camp food.
We live in two different worlds.
I am Harry Potter.
My arm fell off.

Step 29: Worry

Worry about everything, especially those things out of your control.

Growing up in Pennsylvania, I worried about Tornadoes. As soon as a Tornado watch or threat was issued, I was in the basement with blankets and flashlights. When the sky was cloudy, I searched every visible inch to see if it was green. Green meant tornado. Tornado meant basement. This obsession was constantly in the background for me.

Once I moved to Utah, I was briefly freed from this natural disaster anxiety. However, my tornado anxiety quickly turned into earthquake anxiety. The earthquake which is overdue for the Wasatch fault haunts me daily.


As soon as I lay down in my bed at night, my thoughts turn to the earthquake.
"What would I do right now if the ground beneath me began to shake?"
I ask myself this. I obsess over this.
"Would I grab my shoes? Is there time for that? Should I make time? It's freezing outside. Who knows when I will be able to get shoes again if the whole valley is destroyed. What about a coat? Food? How much time will I have before the building collapses on me? Should I grab my phone? My purse? What should be first in the list of items?"
I decide at this point that I need to prioritize.
"Okay, I will need some of these things. Better to die in the building getting a coat than freeze to death outside. Shoes first, then coat.
No wait.
Shoes first, then purse. I will need money. Or will money be obsolete? Would a coat be the same as $100 if everyone is freezing and starving. But my ID could be important."
At this point, I realize that none of these things are put in a place where I can easily grab them on my way out the door.
"Where did I leave my shoes? Where is my warmest coat? Ach! Everything is everywhere. Nothing in its place. Nothing has a place. Should I get up now and make places for things and prepare my belongings? It could come any second. Any second. And what about my phone..."
This continues until I fall into a fitful unsound sleep.

In the shower I have the same worry. What if the earthquake hit then?
"Would I gather my clothes? Would I dress first? Should I just leave in a towel? What's safer, inside or outside? Should I finish rinsing the soap out of my hair if hit right now?"
With this thought, I frantically rinse my hair so that I can avoid this problem all together. (My hair cut has helped this process of frantic thinking and rinsing tremendously.) Then the shower finishes. Clothes are applie hastily and something resembling relaxation begins.

At school.
"Where will I hide? What's my nearest exit? How sound is this building? How many seconds will it take for the building to collapse? Does it really make sense to attend my classes that are held in the basement? I will hide under my desk. It will protect my skull. But not my air. The building will collapse and the other dieing people will use up my air as they suffocate with me. No one will save me any breaths."

At work.
In the car.
At the neighbor's.
Out to eat.
Grocery shopping.
The mechanic.
The mall.
etc.
etc.
etc.

Step 28: Love Used Books

If you place your nose directly into the center
of a worn and used book-
not an inch above the page
but close
close enough to let the words dance into your body in a deep breath-
you can smell the story of a story.

You can smell the child's crayon
let loose on the pages of a parent's book
or the youthful grumblings
of required reading and book reports.

You can smell the warm coffee spilt and stained
in a bizzarre shape across page 162
as the reader popped up to answer the ringing phone,

or the frantic highlighting and underlining
of the college student determined to get an A,

or the dust of death which left a book
in a brown box under the stairs
until found years later by grandchildren,

and the quiet exchange of words on a page
as lovers read a book aloud in a green park
amidst the high rises and hustle of the city-

all kept alive between two dissolving covers,
between a beginning and an end,
the story within a story.

Step 27: Have and Keep Traditions

It is an old German tradition that eating pork and sauerkraut on New Year's Day will give you good luck throughout the year. So every New Year's Day, my family bakes up a pork roast and kraut to engage in the traditional feast of our ancestors.

However, this year was different. We had eaten a ton of food over Christmas. We had chocolates and raspberry tarts and mashed potatoes soaked in butter and piles of meat and more chocolates and more raspberry tarts. We were exhausted by the food we had eaten. After eating a thousand bagel bites and cheese sticks on New Year's Eve, we just didn't have it in us to eat that New Year's Day good luck meal. We decided to scrap the annual feast and try to digest the food we'd eaten the year before.

This was a big mistake. Our luck had finally run out. On Wednesday, January 27, our laundry room caught fire. Not just a baby fire. A real fire. With fire trucks and police. And smoke. And everything ruined. My family cannot even return to the home because of the smoke damage. It would be harmful for the kids to breathe in the air.

The moral of this story is: If it's not broke, don't fix it. Pork and kraut had been working for us for a long time. We had no business messing with century old wisdom. Sometimes you just have to force the food down even when your tummy is full.

Step 26: Appreciate the Good Works of Others

After a long day of school and work, I often like to kick back and relax by watching a half hour or so of whatever is on TV. Generally this would include whatever trashy reality show or countdown that is VH1, the Real World or something of the likes on MTV, E! True Hollywood Stories, or some version of Law and Order on USA or TNT.

Beginning fall of 2009, a new show was added to the normal relaxation line-up: Extreme Home Makeover on CMT. It started small for me; I only wanted to see the end of the show when they would "MOVE THAT BUS!" so that I could see the final result. Then I began to want to know more about the family's dire situation. By November it was my go-to show, and I was pissed if I missed the beginning therefore missing the entire family story. And every time, without fail, I cry a few small tears when the family first sees their brand new house. Whether I truly am touched for the family or I feel short changed because no one built a free house for me, I am not sure, but either way, it's an emotional moment for me.

So turn off your VH1 countdown, your Real World, your E! True Hollywood Stories, and start to appreciate the good works of others. Watch Extreme Home Makeover on CMT.

Step 25: Be Thankful

I know that people are normally thankful around Thanksgiving, but I feel like Christmas and New Year's is just as good a time to give thanks. So, that's exactly what I would like to do: Give thanks to everyone who made my Christmas this year the best Christmas.

(the whole Neeley clan minus mom, dad, and Ryan on Christmas morning)

Dad - Thanks for resembling a person who is sane this year. It really made a difference. Also thanks for paying for all of the presents that mom bought for us. You're the best.
Mom - Thanks for making bagel bites on New Year's Eve. They were delicious.
Sarah - Thanks for asking everyone in the family a billion times if they REALLY did like the present you gave them. That never gets old.
Robbie - Thanks for being obsessed with blueray players.
Ryan - Thanks for keeping everyone safe. We missed you this year.
JoAnna - Thanks for sleeping in the room that resembles a dungeon instead of my room.
Josh - Thanks for getting those crazy eyes now and then. It makes me nervous and excited at the same time.
Victoria - Thanks for getting married. It was a great way to buy extra things for ourselves with mom and dad's money with the excuse of "it's for the wedding."
Justin - Thanks Pending...
Steven - Thanks for playing an hours worth of Beatles Rock Band on vocals while singing in falsetto. I thought it was a joke at first, but it wasn't.
Eleanor - Thanks for looking like a hot, hot babe at Victoria's wedding.
Ruthe - Thanks for not clawing my eyese out. I always suspect that you might at any moment, so I'm glad that you never did.
Alex - Thanks for going comando to your physical. That was the best story I heard all Christmas.
Amber - Thanks for saying Margot about fifty times a day (no exaggeration). And thanks for saying hobo fifty times a day mom told you to stop saying Margot.
Olivia - Thanks for being just all around cute all the time. And for having pet rocks.